FOUND

It had been a long journey- longer than I intended or hoped it to be. Me.. well I ended up empty-handed, broken, wanting, and drowning in a continuous replay of the past. I was stuck, high-centered and out of options. How did it happen? It certainly wasn't any single act on my part- I was anesthetized from the feeling of grace and inebriated by the tonic of self. Drowning, the deep slow sink until the water grows cold and dark and you drift off never to be seen again. Even through my hard work, tenacity and voracity for knowledge and virtue did I still end up here. Oh yeah on the face they all thought I had it together (parents, friends, family) but inside I was a mess. I was effectively lost and empty being tossed by the freshest waves of whatever chose to blow. Nobody knew. Nobody saw. Nobody heard me. That was the day I died.

This was when I was at going into college- no spiritual relationship, no real understanding of God- His grace, His peace, and His redemption. Then over some miraculous people placed in my life and events in my life God sought me out and claimed me as FOUND and I gave in. Hear clearly that it was NO Choice of mine it was God who did the saving- it is after all God that does all the saving. Who are we that at any moment to think we have the power to save ourselves- how egotistical have we become? I have been there and I still find myself drifting towards these shaky waters of self-righteous works. It is quintessential that we gift credit where credit is due- God. No more faith through works mentality, no more self-righteous I am right by the law, no more "I earned it" or better yet "I deserve it"- God through God's deep and unfathomable grace reached into our lives and saved us. Now where am I left after that? A lot less stressful knowing God is well capable of saving my students. Perplexed at illuminating grace in finer detail, overwhelmed by the gray of life and inundated with a love that captures my heart and spurs me into adventure and courageous travel. I am saved by grace alone and every day I live this truth I feel free and full. May all my brothers and sisters of the world be FOUND and full.

Change...

Yesterday was the last day of work here at my church for my friend and fellow missionary Justin Browning. It was a tough day- for me and for many that have grown to know and love Justin. He is still yet a young pup (22) but is wise with spiritual wisdom and tenacious about his pursuit of God's will and work in the church. I had the blessing of working with his these past months and learning from him so many things... I learned that fear is way overrated and that when God calls you being faithful means unapologetically leading towards His goals and will. Justin rocked the house at this- I gained a lot of courage from his examples of conflict and resolution, challenge and growth, peace and war. I was constantly reminded that our family, no matter how "different", doesn't have to affect what we are as God-filled leaders. I learned a lot about leadership, friendship, and the power of having someone that always has your back- we need that in life.
Justin is wise beyond his years. I look forward to continuing in the friendship we share. He is going to be a world changer for God and I can't wait to support him as he lives out his call.

Now about change... well in the words on many of my teenagers "It sucks". It is inevitable though that doesn't make it any easier. Our life is in many ways like the seasons. We may set in to a long time of summer warmth, comfort, peace and then all of a sudden the wind shifts and change is in the air. Before you know it the scenery has changed. Shorts have gave way to jeans and life sheds a few pound of foliage and you are sad. The cold sets in, the sad cold of desolation and death but never fear for spring is on its way. Soon new life, new growth, new hope, and new possibilities arise. I pray for the season of fall and winter in my life and the life of our children's ministry. I do know, however, that spring will come soon enough. Hope FULL of glory and God's grace will again water our lives and gift us with a new adventure. I can't wait. I pray these things also for Justin. May courage lead him into the dangerous wonder of God's work in Tupelo. May the truth of being found by God season the experience and light the direction of our days and may grace fill our missteps and pave our path. Lastly, may courage, relentless courage take root deep in our souls and refuse to go quietly when need manifests itself.

Older than Jesus (but not letting that get me down...too much)

So according to my students I am now older than Jesus... Of all the life time goals I have on my list that never made the page. It was neither a goal to aim for or a benchmark for success in my life but yet here I am. It is however special when I am used in the same sentence as Christ and yet very eerie. I love my students- they breathe life into me and take away life from me- it is a brutal supernova of euphoric experience. While it is true that I am older than Jesus I still feel young in my heart, young in my marriage, young in my fatherhood, and young in my ministry (at least today I do). God certainly has a sense of humor- just the thought of me being called to student ministry is humorous but the list goes on and on. So what if I am older than Jesus- I am just getting started here...
I can't wait to see where and what God will call me to do in the next "Jesus" age of my life. Who knows... I do know this- that it will be the ride of a lifetime. I am so blessed... so incredibly blessed. I pray that everyone might know the blessing of grace.

Ultimate Authority

Obviously this is something I struggle with and I believe and lot of other folk struggle with. At my church we teach on the seven checkpoints as the "quintessential minimum." One of these is "Ultimate Authority" which seeks to unpackage the truth that maximum freedom is found when we place our lives under God's authority. This checkpoint among all the others is very difficult to grasp and even harder to live out in life. I, in particular, am very bad at submission. I feel God's call on my life and the leadership that he has bestowed me and fly when I get to lead so naturally submission to God or to any other authorities is laborious and contrived most often. The concept is almost completely anti-logical- this idea that when we yield to God and submit to His will then we experience true freedom. So we must become a slave to Christ to be free? That sounds biblical...
The more I think about it the more I realize it is a pride issue for me- 'I am no slave!' I think to myself- I keeps me in some false sense of purpose and creates a faux sense of self. Ouch. I guess it is time for me to get on my knees- humbled and real again- acknowledge God's vast wisdom and submit to the deep chasm of grace. Then maybe I will see some more freedom in my life and experience some more clarity in my vocation and ambitions toward God's work on earth. May I have the courage to bow, the wisdom to submit, the guts to survive, the intimate illumination of truth from God and finally experience more and more the freedom awaiting me. May all those that truly seek Him find freedom.

Its a Conspiracy

I set out today to conquer the world (like pinky and brain 'we are going to take over the world') well at least I sat out to get my lazy rear out of bed and get some coffee down me stat before I find my body returning to REM. Made it to daycare and dropped off Zebbie, made it to work, sat at my desk poised for excellence... :) Sounds good doesn't it?
It is now well past 11:00 and I have yet to conquer the world or even do very little to influence or impact a life for the better. I wish this might be a rare occurrence in life but I am afraid it is more the norm.
So what is the conspiracy of my life? Great question... I am yet to fully unearth its essence but I do know part of it is the inherent demise of humans to gravitate toward the middle- to be neither hot not cold but well just OK. It's the apathy of mediocrity and it is poison. As constant as the gravity on earth my life is ever set to find the middle way. I think the world is happy with the majority living in the middle- after all it creates less work, demands less thought, requires less resources for economic retail. If the majority live in the apathy of mediocrity it means that the majority of our churches reside there as well. It is a conspiracy- like the interstate roadways who say come drive the interstate- it is better, faster, etc but don't you compromise a LOT of scenery, a lot of life, for some straight, bland road to a destination? It is a conspiracy- we are being fed lies upon lies and I am guilty as charged.
It is the spirit inside that wants to rebel, to stand up, to create more work, to shout out truth, to uncover the fraud, the lies and to walk the wrong way. I want to live in the discomfort of the truth. To live exposed to God's grace and infiltrated with God's agenda. I want to have the courage to expose the conspiracy with my living, to carve out a life that says different, that screams truth, that captivates others to do likewise. You see... it's a conspiracy and I will NOT be silent, I will NOT back down, I will NOT settle for less than those things God calls me to and no one will take it away from me. It's a conspiracy of mediocrity and the world better just shove off and leave this life alone. I will not go quietly. I will not be less. I will not be afraid.
I am a child of God. I am His and that is more than enough to take over the world. How about you?

infidel

infidel- may I ever be labeled one when it comes to my association with religious institutionalism. May I ever and always strive to not conform to the standardards the insitution, denomination, affiliation, people with money, people with loud voice, people with agendas have for me. I want so badly to cast aside the squeaky wheels in life and hear again the tender voice of my Savior- cling tight to His purpose, direction, and heart. I know when that has happened that my life is rich and full and meaningful beyond words. O that I might not ever lose my God-hearing.
I am guilty, I am the infidel- may it always be so and may I never compromise on the extravagant grace and love found in Christ. May eternal hope and a mysterious Spirit season my life and rule my action. I will not be silent and I will not be moved. I am an infidel.

Blaspheme At Its Best

So my lack of posts lately tell well of my health. I have been inadequately managing my time and foolishly hoarding the tasks of the church and life rather than empowering others to be the church. Church work is awesome and hard or maybe hard and then awesome- it depends on the day. I am called to instruct teenagers on how to live a God-filled life, encourage them, love them, and support them when I myself pretty much sucked at life as a teen. Humbling-yes. Humorous- completely. Sad- often. Convicting- beyond comfort. I am a hypocrite- I preach on things that I struggle with myself, teach on things that I have yet to grasp and instruct on lifestyles and living that I completely botch. So here I am again- a child of God's grace, surrounded by God's mercy and somehow hopeful that I will still be used. Like a broken pot trying to carry water to those in need- I lose a LOT along the way but every once-in-a-while I get some to people who need it and again feel purpose, hope, and usefulness.
I need to rediscover patience, unearth the mission and vision in my heart and equip all those around me. My life and my vocation are so completely bound together there is no separating the two- no identifying one apart from the other- there is "no turning back" as the hymn says. I am His even on my worst days. I pray for the courage to change the things I can, the insight to know the things I can't change and the wisdom to know the difference between the two. I just have today- so today I shall try my best to color outside the lines- listen and feel for the Spirit and try my best not to completely botch the task and mission at hand knowing that it is solely by God's divine and lavish grace that I can do what I do. I am blessed to do this, cursed by my failures and completely helplessly in love with my God. May I stay always and forever in love and I hope that I might have the courage to share a lot of love along the way. I am blessed, richly blessed.