Wait wait wait grrrr

Wait... Wait... Wait... Enough already. It is now Sunday and still no baby. I am wholly convinced it ("it" in the sense that we opted to not find out the gender until it enters this world)prefers the comfort of the womb over the inevitable hostilities waiting in the world.
Don't we all at some core level seek out safe havens of comfort. Places where we know that those holding the greatest influence and control in our lives are completely trustworthy? I know this need in myself is filled mainly by the spiritual influence God has in my life. This not as some trite comment about a spiritualized process but rather as a tangible reality where I yield my agenda for one set out for me. It is in the moments that am able to take a backseat that I find assurance. Assurance is a great catalyst for hope. When we are assured in something we can place our trust and dig in our heels to pursue with passion any task at hand.
So here I am- assured at God's love for me and for humanity but doubtful that anytime before the forced arrival into this world this baby will come. Thank God for doctors and for medicine that facilitates this process (miracle). Come tomorrow Andrea and I will be playing man-on-man defense and life will forever be different in the most magnificent way. I am assured by the hope that God might use even me to be about the work and will of the Spirit.
Wait... Wait... Wait...
Pssh just give some potosun and lets get this party started. Shalom Ya'll.

The baby is coming. The baby is coming.

Within one week, Andrea and I will have baby #2- these are exciting times in the Allen household. Having a baby whether the first or any subsequent after- it changes you. These are weird times around the house. I carry my cell wherever I go-even in worship. We know that at any moment things can change and plans must be dropped. It is, in some twisted manner, fun. I love the fact that this week I am making plans with the clause saying I may not be there and if I'm not then carry on without me.
We chose not to find out the sex of our baby. We are both people who enjoy surprise and delight in discovery. There are few people these days who enjoy such things but hey we might be a little weird but let it be know it is a weird by choice. I am hopeful the baby looks more like their mom and can't wait for six months of no sleep. It is an investment in the joy that surely will come from this endeavor. So now- here we are waiting. Waiting on this new baby to get here and break wide eyed into this world so that we can love it as best we know how. Maybe in some miracle of miracles we can through our love investment in them right some wrongs we have caused in days past. It is our legacy. Yes the culmination of a couples effort and investment in a life that with great hope will out-live our lives. It is one of the greatest gift one ever is given second only to the gift of spiritual life.
I am today and everyday- spoiled rotten with blessings that kings could not have imagined. I am rich and joy-filled. I am blessed. I hope and pray that for all those I know and am yet to know that such blessing will spill out into their lives.

It's a Lost Art

Determined to deliver a divine treat I attempted a series of parodies for our volunteers last night at their appreciation banquet. Although I aspire to be a "beat poet" of sorts I am far from grade A but I still gave it a try. I had a blast coming up with the words and preparing a true personal gift for them all. It is almost a lost art- the act of giving a gift that is personal, not bought, not manufactured but made and extended from one heart to another. It is a fine moment, no matter the quality of the creation, when one gives a gift like this. It has proven to be some of my finest hours ( not being egotistically vain in my thoughts about this but rather retrospectively aware). I wish I gave more of these gifts. They take time and well... often is a thing I am short on and then the excuses take hold, rationalization seeps in and soon enough I am off to some retail store to further advocate consumerism and the creative demise of humanity- geez sometimes conviction is so obtrusive to time management!

The gift of song, especially a parody song, about the experiences of others somehow let us all in on the often unspoken truth- we are all in this together. Shhh- don't tell anyone.

I serve in a church and without our volunteers I wouldn't/ couldn't do what we do. It is simply an impossibility for only me to care for so many. I feel the indebtedness and embrace the need while I try fend off my selfish pride and raise up our awesome volunteers. Humbleness is a full-time job- it is counter-human requiring us to step back and shine light on others. Honestly- I don't model it very well but I can say that I try really hard to do so. For this folks can at least give me an E for effort in the endeavor.

This world of ours is such a fragile balance changing with every action we make. Wouldn't it be motivating to realize the influence and impact every good act has on the world and others? When I get a glimpse of this in my life, I feel euphoric and invincible. Being a change agent is continually filled with attack and occasionally sprinkled with awe. I am grateful to at least be trying to make this place better. Today I will choose to live toward betterment, toward justice, and toward love- I will fail often, I will be distracted often, but I will try and it will make a difference. It is almost a lost art- giving a gift from the heart. You ought to try it.

Undeniable It's an epidemic and I am infected

So definitely conformity is way overrated in my world (just read previous blogs and you will see clearly this truth). Being around teenage students is kind of like being dropped off in the Costa Rican jungle with only a leatherman. Let me unpackage this a bit. The jungle is an infectious thing- overwhelmingly beautiful and captivating- full of life, layer upon layer of life. Things have amazing colors and adaptations that make them unique and marvelous. Yet... it is like the law stating for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction- I believe that for every capacity to do good in folk there is an equal and opposite capacity to do bad. The jungle of students is no different. For all of the beauty and majesty there is equal and opposite dire dangers laying in wait out there. I feel like I am in my own episode of "Man vs. Wild" where a plane has dropped me in this teenage jungle with only a very few tools and skills and I am not only supposed to navigate the jungle I am somehow through my work supposed to make it a better place for all of the creation living in it. It is incomprehensibly huge and yet overwhelmingly simple. As jungle-ers, we who serve students must give up, give in, and let go...

On an aside (an A.D.D. moment)... I realize today why the Spirit was depicted in Matthew at Jesus' baptism as a dove. Dove's are weary and shifty, they don't sit anywhere too long, spoke easily, and are relentlessly attached to their mate much like the Holy Spirit and it's attachment to God. About the time I experience the power and presence of the Spirit it is already moved on. That is it's own jungle trying to locate and provide experiences where the Spirit will move and work in my own life and in my students lives.

... I see God is quite capable of navigating for me and through me. Submissive courage, humble empowerment through the Spirit is the only way. Certainly it is not any part of me who makes this jungle of student ministry possible. Thank God that God desires to be in relationship with us all, pursuing us through the deepest jungles, seeking out our lives for His and our hearts for service.

One thing about the jungle, it is way exciting. Not just woo-hoo it is fun exciting, it is like scare the crud out of you, wonder if you are about to die but still think it is pretty cool kind of exciting. Being around teenagers is an epidemic. I can't imagine my life without my students. My call is inexplicable part of me, part of the marrow of my character and life. I love my students. I am rich in so many ways. I am completely infected and I hope I am never cured- don't make me grow up. I hope I always seek out "the second star on the right and head straight on 'till the mornin'" and fly in life.

Change...

Yesterday was the last day of work here at my church for my friend and fellow missionary Justin Browning. It was a tough day- for me and for many that have grown to know and love Justin. He is still yet a young pup (22) but is wise with spiritual wisdom and tenacious about his pursuit of God's will and work in the church. I had the blessing of working with his these past months and learning from him so many things... I learned that fear is way overrated and that when God calls you being faithful means unapologetically leading towards His goals and will. Justin rocked the house at this- I gained a lot of courage from his examples of conflict and resolution, challenge and growth, peace and war. I was constantly reminded that our family, no matter how "different", doesn't have to affect what we are as God-filled leaders. I learned a lot about leadership, friendship, and the power of having someone that always has your back- we need that in life.
Justin is wise beyond his years. I look forward to continuing in the friendship we share. He is going to be a world changer for God and I can't wait to support him as he lives out his call.

Now about change... well in the words on many of my teenagers "It sucks". It is inevitable though that doesn't make it any easier. Our life is in many ways like the seasons. We may set in to a long time of summer warmth, comfort, peace and then all of a sudden the wind shifts and change is in the air. Before you know it the scenery has changed. Shorts have gave way to jeans and life sheds a few pound of foliage and you are sad. The cold sets in, the sad cold of desolation and death but never fear for spring is on its way. Soon new life, new growth, new hope, and new possibilities arise. I pray for the season of fall and winter in my life and the life of our children's ministry. I do know, however, that spring will come soon enough. Hope FULL of glory and God's grace will again water our lives and gift us with a new adventure. I can't wait. I pray these things also for Justin. May courage lead him into the dangerous wonder of God's work in Tupelo. May the truth of being found by God season the experience and light the direction of our days and may grace fill our missteps and pave our path. Lastly, may courage, relentless courage take root deep in our souls and refuse to go quietly when need manifests itself.

Older than Jesus (but not letting that get me down...too much)

So according to my students I am now older than Jesus... Of all the life time goals I have on my list that never made the page. It was neither a goal to aim for or a benchmark for success in my life but yet here I am. It is however special when I am used in the same sentence as Christ and yet very eerie. I love my students- they breathe life into me and take away life from me- it is a brutal supernova of euphoric experience. While it is true that I am older than Jesus I still feel young in my heart, young in my marriage, young in my fatherhood, and young in my ministry (at least today I do). God certainly has a sense of humor- just the thought of me being called to student ministry is humorous but the list goes on and on. So what if I am older than Jesus- I am just getting started here...
I can't wait to see where and what God will call me to do in the next "Jesus" age of my life. Who knows... I do know this- that it will be the ride of a lifetime. I am so blessed... so incredibly blessed. I pray that everyone might know the blessing of grace.

infidel

infidel- may I ever be labeled one when it comes to my association with religious institutionalism. May I ever and always strive to not conform to the standardards the insitution, denomination, affiliation, people with money, people with loud voice, people with agendas have for me. I want so badly to cast aside the squeaky wheels in life and hear again the tender voice of my Savior- cling tight to His purpose, direction, and heart. I know when that has happened that my life is rich and full and meaningful beyond words. O that I might not ever lose my God-hearing.
I am guilty, I am the infidel- may it always be so and may I never compromise on the extravagant grace and love found in Christ. May eternal hope and a mysterious Spirit season my life and rule my action. I will not be silent and I will not be moved. I am an infidel.

Blaspheme At Its Best

So my lack of posts lately tell well of my health. I have been inadequately managing my time and foolishly hoarding the tasks of the church and life rather than empowering others to be the church. Church work is awesome and hard or maybe hard and then awesome- it depends on the day. I am called to instruct teenagers on how to live a God-filled life, encourage them, love them, and support them when I myself pretty much sucked at life as a teen. Humbling-yes. Humorous- completely. Sad- often. Convicting- beyond comfort. I am a hypocrite- I preach on things that I struggle with myself, teach on things that I have yet to grasp and instruct on lifestyles and living that I completely botch. So here I am again- a child of God's grace, surrounded by God's mercy and somehow hopeful that I will still be used. Like a broken pot trying to carry water to those in need- I lose a LOT along the way but every once-in-a-while I get some to people who need it and again feel purpose, hope, and usefulness.
I need to rediscover patience, unearth the mission and vision in my heart and equip all those around me. My life and my vocation are so completely bound together there is no separating the two- no identifying one apart from the other- there is "no turning back" as the hymn says. I am His even on my worst days. I pray for the courage to change the things I can, the insight to know the things I can't change and the wisdom to know the difference between the two. I just have today- so today I shall try my best to color outside the lines- listen and feel for the Spirit and try my best not to completely botch the task and mission at hand knowing that it is solely by God's divine and lavish grace that I can do what I do. I am blessed to do this, cursed by my failures and completely helplessly in love with my God. May I stay always and forever in love and I hope that I might have the courage to share a lot of love along the way. I am blessed, richly blessed.

Balancing a 2X4

That's a lot of board to balance. Me, I think, that's a lot of life to balance. It is as awkward as keeping a large chunk of wood in the balances. Some days I am strong, tenacious, determined and destined to conquer, inspire, and ultimately cultivate a raised bar for those around me. Other days I just lay down, let it fall on me, and baste in the saline of defeat. Life is the greatest opportunity we are gifted- full of promise, rich with hope, primed with possibility. It is also infiltrated with pain, err, and third-party malign. My prayer, my hope is to grow into a warriors heart. To be courageous in my living, salty in my ethical stances, and model non-conformity in my faith response. My hope is that today, this precious gift of today, that I might balance my 2X4 and enjoy the experience.