Ministry

Therefore, since through God's mercy we have this ministry, we do not lose heart. II Corinthians 4:1
It's been one long day. About 13 hours of church today. I love getting to preach. I hope I am getting a little better each time I get the opportunity and that, above all else, I bring God glory with what I bring to the table. I think that when I get nervous I come off as pompass when in reality I am scared to death and hoping that I bring some glory to God. Regardless, I love my church.
On a second and more important note- I love my family. My daughter spent most of this afternoon at church with me today and she was a total rock star up on the stage with Taylor and Jennifer. She just jumps into the mix wherever she is. It is so fun to watch her interact with others. I think I am just maybe a little too overprotective of my children- it is always a struggle given my history. I love my wife. She preached 4 services this weekend and was scheduled to preach only one of them. She is steady, passionate, and incredibly gifted. I am so lucky.
This week has a lot of potential. No school and a lot of ministry. Should be great.

sloth

I am preaching on sloth this Sunday. It can be defined as physical, emotional, and spiritual apathy. I thought that it was going to be tough for me to find some stuff to preach on but lets be real this is an epidemic among all of us. When we get bored if a TV show doesn't change angles in 3 second or less- we have a serious problem. I am using the text from Revelation 3 at the address of the lukewarm church- Laodecia. It should be interesting. I hate having to be the prophetic voice. It is never popular but always needed. We are way too comfortable in our church and in our community. I hope that I can organize and articulate the message in a way the is faithful and filled with the Spirit. I am nervous and excited. I guess that is where I need to be. God guide me.

Gray

I suppose that even the greatest of minds have come upon that which cannot be explained and therefore is experienced as an anomaly contradictory to their reasoning norm. There is always a little gray, a little of the not knowing, a little mystery in even the most sound of things.
We are afraid of the gray. The things that you can't explain, you can't dispel, the things which elude even the keenest of minds. Anomalies. I love that about humankind- the not knowing part of it. It implodes our pride and demolishes the meritous argument for self-promotion. There are actual things that are not nor will ever be fully know in this realm. Isn't that satisfying on some plain? Isn't that a relief to know there is no longer pressure to figure it all out?
Maybe even, the not-knowing has in store for us something far greater than that which is known. Could it be that mystery is crowned with something much greater than ourselves?
I don't like the color gray. I have learned to live in it, wrestle with it, and have been changed by its challenges. May you be also.

Criticism

When does one get to a point when criticism becomes yet another way in which growth can occur? It is still so personal, so deeply personal and yet I am called to be a spiritual agitator. Maybe it is because there is just enough truth in all criticism that all our fears swell up and self-disdain pours in. It is always the criticism of those who serve in the trenches with you which cut to the heart and wound us so deeply. Lets be honest- I say some things that I later wish I could have re-worded or even taken back but yet I cannot. There is a thin line between being an authentic truth-teller and a manipulator. I strive so hard to be a truth-teller but yet so many of those who I work with criticize. I think this is at some degree a testimony of their comfort with me. It just doesn't feel like that. I often leave defeated and my heart broken. Why am I so tender-hearted? So vulnerable? So tough on myself? I feel now, more than ever before, a unquenchable passion for the calling to ministry and especially ordination. When I preach I feel the hands of God enfolding me. There is no better feeling in the world. Even when I am at my worst, God is still at God's very best. My heart cries out to God- send me the words even if it hurts. God does, I hurt and yet people are changed. It is worth it. I pray for healing so that I can yet again be a vessel of God's radical inclusivity and scandalous grace.