Frustration

We American humans take for granted so many things. Where do I even begin to unpack the ways in which capitalism and suburban life have tainted they way intended for us to see clearly the way in which the world should be and the way in which we should live. Lets start with driving a car since that is one of my current rubs that is almost debilitating to me. I have been told by my doctors that I cannot drive for an indefinite amount of time. I definitely took driving for granted. It is so matter of fact to just jump in your car and go to wherever you want to go. I can't do that and it is freakin' frustrating. I have to depend on others to take me places. I feel like a total dweeb asking to be taken to the store to get simple necessities. I am grown man and I can't just go get the necessities of life. Dependence is like insurgent torture for me. Asking for help has always been a last ditch option for me in the past and yet now it is primary to me living and working. Suck. Major suckage! No matter how patient I may be I feel helpless and that has caused me to take a pretty good dip. I really hate who I am today and that is such a contrary position for all the times that I preach hope for people within my church when I am the one who is feeling hopeless. I guess if I am feeling that way others too may be feeling such things. Andrea is right by saying I could be dead rather than being in the state I currently am. I still have so much more. I pray God will remove the filter on my thoughts and speaking so that I can learn how to speak my mind without the fear of others response. I am definitely being tested in my faith and in my life. This has been a tough go so far and I don't see it getting too much easier any time soon. So it goes and so it is the world in which I live in. God grant me the wisdom to change the things I can and accept the things I can't change.