Undecided

Lame. As I sit here, I am deeply sad. Overwhelmingly troubled. "Why are you so downcast O my soul?"- PS 42
Why do I have to deal with this crap and internalize, prioritize and negate personal needs just to be faithful to the institution and my own perfection issues?
I am in total depravity? For all that I thought was gain, is but total waste in the sight of God. Forgive me. Forgive my incomparable inability to stay the course, live joy, and be faithful to my call.
Lame. I am lame.