Tuesday, May 19, 2009
Saturday, May 16, 2009
Unvarnished and Unapologetic
So here it is: If I am guilty of anything I hope it is the following:
1) loving people too much- all people! So I love gay and lesbian, black, white, Mexican, drug addicts, drunks, trailer trash, suburban middle class, Latino, poor, and I guess rich if I have too- this pretty much makes a lot of people angry. I love the angry too. If I wasn't convicted to do this, I would take the road most traveled and just try not to rock the boat but I can't. It is not that I won't. It is that I can't. It has become a calling, beyond a socio-ethic to a spiritual act of faithfulness. What I struggle with is loving the victim and the victimizer, the outcast and those who has ostracized, the minority and the majority, the angry and the sad, the hurtful and the harmless - all the same.
2) Being faithful. Not the nice neat- they told me so therefore this is how I act sort of thing but the faithfulness that transcends comfort. I want to be so faithful that it drives people crazy. When people see radical faithfulness (by the way there is no difference in true faithfulness and radical faithfulness except its rarity in today's world), they get angry but this is only the first phase. The second phase is hopefully reflection. The questions begin. Things can no longer be so cut and dry. Then searching ensues and hopefully a new reality is established that is more faithful. Myself- I am of the utmost sinners- the list is long, sorted and pathetically repetitive but I am a work in progress.
3) Be able to take criticism- whether jaded or gentle- and grow from it without wrecking my life, my self, and my calling. I am no where close to this one but hopefully someday I will be mature enough to handle this. I want to meet someone who can model this for me- so far everyone I meet struggles with this too. There are a lot of people who do well to dish it out and no one who can just take it- someone who can mine out the Truth and discard the trash and grow from the experience.
4) Listen. The kind that whenever people walk away they know that they have been heard. This comes from the first three actively in place.
5) Being real. The unvarnished, unapologetic real God-made man that I was created to be- even if there are times that my true identity and true self make people uncomfortable or even angry.
6) Beat the stats. Live longer, stronger, wiser, and more generous than what was modeled to me- by the way both of my parents are gonna be hard to beat at this.
So first and foremost I am guilty of a lot of unfaithfulness of two main varieties: 1) my own actual sins- both those I which I know and still do and those of which are off my radar but in my ignorance I inflict on others and 2) fear- that which prevents me from being and realizing the best inside me.
Lastly, in my smoke and mirrors, I try to cover up my ignorance with fancy words and novel idealism's yet I am still me. I hope that I can be me- more me every day- not the me that I want but the me that God wants- and hopefully along the way sort out the two and discard the first. So I guess its time to take out the trash, make some room for some new work, and keep on keepin on.
If I see you on the "via de la rosa" we can bleed together. Peace.
Saturday, May 2, 2009
Grace is our only hope- well that and a swift kick in the rear!
Contradictorious to the vindictive tendencies I bury deep inside I continue to pursue enlightenment for whatever it is worth. I am so freakin' human and that is so not cool. I hope to one day inspire to such maturity as that modeled by the young boy reading for his bar mitzvah in "keeping the faith" who embraces the manta "I love that I suck, I love that I suck and I love that I suck". Not just to embrace my own wanting but to embrace it with zeal, fervor, and acceptance. In this quasi-neo-Marxist radicalism I currently find myself, why am I so surprised to find such critique? Yeah that's right- another loud liberal shouting out truth about the institutional sins we have participated in through our ignorant apathy and deaf capitalistic imperialism of which I am of greatest guilt. I have found the enemy, the new Rome, and it is us. God help us.
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
The British are Coming!
Silence the voice. Shut up and quit talking. Turn out your lights and let us close our eyes. Not only are they happy to blindness, they deny its presence. They pray for silence, pray for darkness. Build some walls, bio-dome it all and maybe it will go away.
Ha! "Such a time is this!"
Cry out into the night.
Stir up a persistence annoyance where eyes grow weary of rest, where ears grow weary of deafness.
We all see it.
There's a big elephant and it very well may be Jesus which is waiting, expecting even, acknowledgment for a start.
I cannot hold it in and indeed I will not.
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
A is for things I don't know
Ahistorical, Aethical, Atypical, anthropomorphism, analogical predication, axiological grid, blah blah blah.
School is what it is. School.
Give me patience Lord.
School is what it is. School.
Give me patience Lord.
Monday, February 23, 2009
Domination: A Persistant Resistance to Lies
Hello my name is Zeke Allen, I have yet to be sober for any amount of time but I am here and that is worth something I guess. I have participated, propagated and been subjugated to the powers of domination. Through years of enculturation, both consciously and subconsciously, it has seeped into my being and now I am left to sort through my mess and begin some spring cleaning.
In our country and world, radicals are killed. By radicals I mean, those that refuse to give in to and consciously rebel against oppressive systems. I am part of some of these systems of oppression. Within the Christian church at large, anyone who speaks against institutional Christianity in a way that threatens its power is demonized and considered a heretic. For instance, as I begin to find my voice as an advocate for scandalous grace I am met with much opposition. I have become a staunch advocate for the voice and rights of women. My wife is a female pastor who has continually been subjected to demeaning, misconduct by her male peers and to a much larger construct those within the communities she serves. A few examples of peer oppression are: (1) dress- female pastors are constantly judged and weighed by their appearance and clothing. If a female embraces her femininity and wears clothes that fit she is considered a slut or racy, if she is overweight and wears loose clothes she is considered a slob, if she cries she is considered over-emotional and unable to adequately execute any judgments needed for successful leadership, if she is overpowering people are put off because “women just shouldn’t be that strong”; (2) voice- too soft and you are being seductive, too sarcastic and you are a “bitch”, too insightful and you are dangerous, too loud and you are egotistical, and too radical and you must be put in your place; (3) tolerance- it is generally acceptable that women should just “tolerate” inappropriate comments regardless of their origin or overtone; and finally (4)family- people find it almost impossible to believe that a woman can be both a great mom and a great professional.
I am a heterosexual male and am beginning to find my voice as a staunch supporter of gay and lesbian acceptance and empowerment within the church. This is so threatening to the church institution and somehow to the greater political system that it just makes people mad that I would even tolerate such “people” much less accept them as one of us. It is not enough to “tolerate” and to be silent, for this is in effect to agree with any oppressive system you see occurring. It is doubly offensive to become aware of a system of oppression and remain silent on the matter. Apathy is one of the greatest diseases within our American society today. To do nothing is to approve and that, for me, is no longer adequate or permissible.
I have participated in the domination system in so many ways. I know there are many of which I am yet unaware of but the following are a few that I am now aware of. I am survivor of sexual abuse and yet I have been a minimal advocate for others who have yet to find any voice and even greater who feel isolated and powerless. I realize that my inaction and my voicelessness have propagated the system that silences the voices of the abused for fear that we might as a society become aware of the crisis of abuse in our communities. As one in ministry among this society, I have allowed the voices of peers, who advised me to not ever share my story the power over preventing me from sharing my story in hope that it might empower others to voice theirs. I have, in past relationships both intimate and friendships, participated in the systematic hierarchy of males and females as I interacted quite differently with males and females. I gave males more voice and more power thus allowing them more influence in my life and my choices. I have participated in the myth of redemptive violence by initially advocating the “war on terror” blindly following the “leaders” of our country. I have further participated in this myth by placing my children in front a TV that advocates violence- in particular MMA. My family recently attended a wrestling match of one of my students. My three year old son leaned over to me and asked “when are they going to start hitting each other?” That hit me hard knowing that I had exposed him to the myth that beating each other up was a sport and acceptable. Most of all, I have been silent. I have allowed apathy and fear prevent me of finding my voice and acting on that which so often burns inside of me.
We resist the domination system and its myth of redemptive violence by action and voice. We must, as awake and sober people, pursue a persistent resistance to all injustice which comes into our view. We must sensitize ourselves first and then put words to our ideologies and then action to this purpose. We must combat apathy and act with hope in justice. Even when failure seems imminent, we must engage in a persistent resistance for all those around us who go about life unaware and apathetic to the lies they are being fed.
Are we really free? Again, my name is Zeke Allen and I will seek a persistent resistance to systematic domination. I won’t be put down, silenced even if I am let down, kicked out and shut out. I will not go away. If a door closes, I will find a window to crawl through. “Hope comes in the morning. Today and every one after that I will tenaciously seek awareness and action. My prayer and mantra shall be: “Open my eyes, set my feet on justice’s path and let me pursue truth beyond comfort”.
In our country and world, radicals are killed. By radicals I mean, those that refuse to give in to and consciously rebel against oppressive systems. I am part of some of these systems of oppression. Within the Christian church at large, anyone who speaks against institutional Christianity in a way that threatens its power is demonized and considered a heretic. For instance, as I begin to find my voice as an advocate for scandalous grace I am met with much opposition. I have become a staunch advocate for the voice and rights of women. My wife is a female pastor who has continually been subjected to demeaning, misconduct by her male peers and to a much larger construct those within the communities she serves. A few examples of peer oppression are: (1) dress- female pastors are constantly judged and weighed by their appearance and clothing. If a female embraces her femininity and wears clothes that fit she is considered a slut or racy, if she is overweight and wears loose clothes she is considered a slob, if she cries she is considered over-emotional and unable to adequately execute any judgments needed for successful leadership, if she is overpowering people are put off because “women just shouldn’t be that strong”; (2) voice- too soft and you are being seductive, too sarcastic and you are a “bitch”, too insightful and you are dangerous, too loud and you are egotistical, and too radical and you must be put in your place; (3) tolerance- it is generally acceptable that women should just “tolerate” inappropriate comments regardless of their origin or overtone; and finally (4)family- people find it almost impossible to believe that a woman can be both a great mom and a great professional.
I am a heterosexual male and am beginning to find my voice as a staunch supporter of gay and lesbian acceptance and empowerment within the church. This is so threatening to the church institution and somehow to the greater political system that it just makes people mad that I would even tolerate such “people” much less accept them as one of us. It is not enough to “tolerate” and to be silent, for this is in effect to agree with any oppressive system you see occurring. It is doubly offensive to become aware of a system of oppression and remain silent on the matter. Apathy is one of the greatest diseases within our American society today. To do nothing is to approve and that, for me, is no longer adequate or permissible.
I have participated in the domination system in so many ways. I know there are many of which I am yet unaware of but the following are a few that I am now aware of. I am survivor of sexual abuse and yet I have been a minimal advocate for others who have yet to find any voice and even greater who feel isolated and powerless. I realize that my inaction and my voicelessness have propagated the system that silences the voices of the abused for fear that we might as a society become aware of the crisis of abuse in our communities. As one in ministry among this society, I have allowed the voices of peers, who advised me to not ever share my story the power over preventing me from sharing my story in hope that it might empower others to voice theirs. I have, in past relationships both intimate and friendships, participated in the systematic hierarchy of males and females as I interacted quite differently with males and females. I gave males more voice and more power thus allowing them more influence in my life and my choices. I have participated in the myth of redemptive violence by initially advocating the “war on terror” blindly following the “leaders” of our country. I have further participated in this myth by placing my children in front a TV that advocates violence- in particular MMA. My family recently attended a wrestling match of one of my students. My three year old son leaned over to me and asked “when are they going to start hitting each other?” That hit me hard knowing that I had exposed him to the myth that beating each other up was a sport and acceptable. Most of all, I have been silent. I have allowed apathy and fear prevent me of finding my voice and acting on that which so often burns inside of me.
We resist the domination system and its myth of redemptive violence by action and voice. We must, as awake and sober people, pursue a persistent resistance to all injustice which comes into our view. We must sensitize ourselves first and then put words to our ideologies and then action to this purpose. We must combat apathy and act with hope in justice. Even when failure seems imminent, we must engage in a persistent resistance for all those around us who go about life unaware and apathetic to the lies they are being fed.
Are we really free? Again, my name is Zeke Allen and I will seek a persistent resistance to systematic domination. I won’t be put down, silenced even if I am let down, kicked out and shut out. I will not go away. If a door closes, I will find a window to crawl through. “Hope comes in the morning. Today and every one after that I will tenaciously seek awareness and action. My prayer and mantra shall be: “Open my eyes, set my feet on justice’s path and let me pursue truth beyond comfort”.
Monday, February 2, 2009
Poo-pooing Peace
Hi, my name is Zeke and I am an addict. I am addicted to intensity and because of my addiction I have not modeled or embodied peace nor the art of just "being" in any moment.
This blog is entirely for my own benefit. I consider it a journey of self-reflection and self-therapy. This reality of intensity is a mixed bag for me. It has afforded me the luxury of advancement and respect among many of my peers and collegiate acquaintance's. On the down side, it has cost me many dear friends, much pain in my marriage, and years of lost joy and happiness. I have been unable to enjoy and rest in the blessings that I have experienced personally along with the miracles experienced around me.
Intensity among the corporate world is a valued commodity. It is equated with drive and embodies the tenacious American ideal which has driven our country to success. It is elevated as a trait from our earliest years. Intensity and drive is encouraged among all academia and valued so greatly among the business world that to be lacking in this area is to be less than the best among peers.
Even though I am intense, I am beginning to realize that this is a bunch of CRAP! A huge pile of smelly, stinking, rotting CRAP! Yet again we have been sold a wolf in sheep's clothes and we have put it on, proud, and pompously so as to gloat about our advancement and achievements.
Yet again I have been lied to by my culture, by my schooling, and even by my church. The priority of intensity consumes the capacity for wholeness. This reality has left us all broken, unbalanced, and unwittingly numb to the necessity of the lost art of just "being".
As with all my confessions I try to address the why. Why have we, as a society and people, bought into the belief that intensity and drive is the quintessential characteristic for success and happiness in the world? Is it because those with the most drive most often outwork and out-advance others of less drive? Is this reality because our companies and economics have been structured to elevate such character?
What motivates this tenacious drive? BTW- these are lies!
(1) Money. Pure adulterous money. This, so that we can buy stuff, gain economic status. Lessens the increase happiness and joy? Love and quality of life? Relationships?
(2) Renown. Our vanity requires the acceptance and respect of others even to the point that our personal image is dependent on the approval of peers and co-workers.
(3) Stuff. The person with the most and biggest toys is the winner. We are taught this from the earliest ages. We long for the toys our neighbors have that are better and bigger than ours. While we play pong on a commodore 64 our neighbor plays rock band on their X box 360 and it makes us crazy that this "injustice" and "in-equality" is "oppressing" us.
(4) Love. The more we have materialistically, the more people will love and admire us.
So what is the truth? What is the reality that we need to know to be content, happy, and joyous?
Let me diverge a minute... I have been afforded the opportunity over the last 13 years of ministry to serve in many different capacities in the mission field. This service was locally, regionally and globally. I have seen extreme poverty in all of these areas. What is almost beyond my comprehension is the happiness and joy that is present among the very poorest of people I meet. What gives? This is so beyond anything we are taught and affirmed in the world. Every trip I go on where I experience joyous people who have so little I find myself lost in a sea of self-discernment. My enculturated idealism's shattered and my mind whirling with the in-your-face reality that has challenged the very core of my belief system.
Action...
Remember. When I return to the everyday world I live in- my nice, relatively wealthy, suburban church and life I must remember. Remember the joy, remember the conditions that I found joy and the persons who lived the joy.
Confront the lies. I must confront my intensity and drive with a idled presence which demands silence and carves out bustle. I have to name the demons of my own life. My desire for cool clothes- vanity at its best. The best woodworking tools- people did what I do by hand forever so I need to get over it. My desire to spoil my kids with toys- dolls and race tracks. To play, play, play, play with my family. To pray, pray, pray for others. To listen twice as much as I talk. To rest, idle, and listen in silence for nothing in particular. To read more. To think less. To be content with B's, mediocrity, and to allow failures even if it means it costs me face. To be courageous enough to let people see me fail. To be brave enough to trust another to be my friend, even if they make me mad and disappoint me. To smile even though I have bad teeth. To laugh at myself even when I totally screw things up. To worship however, whenever, and unaltered by those around me. To speak truth and live peace. To rest. To love. To live without the need for success, validation, or even self-glorification. To make things more about others than myself.
As I begin this work, I am mindful that knowledge is the fist step to recovery. Now I know and so I can never go back. I have no pie in the sky lofty ideas about instantaneous completion. This will be a life and beyond work but one of greatest importance. I pray for the Spirits guide and eyes which are wide-open to the opportunities to embody such things.
I will no longer promote nor affirm the self-glorifying characteristic of intense tenacious living. Just be. Love. These things are how we will truly live. So yet again I am a work in progress. One day at a time.
This blog is entirely for my own benefit. I consider it a journey of self-reflection and self-therapy. This reality of intensity is a mixed bag for me. It has afforded me the luxury of advancement and respect among many of my peers and collegiate acquaintance's. On the down side, it has cost me many dear friends, much pain in my marriage, and years of lost joy and happiness. I have been unable to enjoy and rest in the blessings that I have experienced personally along with the miracles experienced around me.
Intensity among the corporate world is a valued commodity. It is equated with drive and embodies the tenacious American ideal which has driven our country to success. It is elevated as a trait from our earliest years. Intensity and drive is encouraged among all academia and valued so greatly among the business world that to be lacking in this area is to be less than the best among peers.
Even though I am intense, I am beginning to realize that this is a bunch of CRAP! A huge pile of smelly, stinking, rotting CRAP! Yet again we have been sold a wolf in sheep's clothes and we have put it on, proud, and pompously so as to gloat about our advancement and achievements.
Yet again I have been lied to by my culture, by my schooling, and even by my church. The priority of intensity consumes the capacity for wholeness. This reality has left us all broken, unbalanced, and unwittingly numb to the necessity of the lost art of just "being".
As with all my confessions I try to address the why. Why have we, as a society and people, bought into the belief that intensity and drive is the quintessential characteristic for success and happiness in the world? Is it because those with the most drive most often outwork and out-advance others of less drive? Is this reality because our companies and economics have been structured to elevate such character?
What motivates this tenacious drive? BTW- these are lies!
(1) Money. Pure adulterous money. This, so that we can buy stuff, gain economic status. Lessens the increase happiness and joy? Love and quality of life? Relationships?
(2) Renown. Our vanity requires the acceptance and respect of others even to the point that our personal image is dependent on the approval of peers and co-workers.
(3) Stuff. The person with the most and biggest toys is the winner. We are taught this from the earliest ages. We long for the toys our neighbors have that are better and bigger than ours. While we play pong on a commodore 64 our neighbor plays rock band on their X box 360 and it makes us crazy that this "injustice" and "in-equality" is "oppressing" us.
(4) Love. The more we have materialistically, the more people will love and admire us.
So what is the truth? What is the reality that we need to know to be content, happy, and joyous?
Let me diverge a minute... I have been afforded the opportunity over the last 13 years of ministry to serve in many different capacities in the mission field. This service was locally, regionally and globally. I have seen extreme poverty in all of these areas. What is almost beyond my comprehension is the happiness and joy that is present among the very poorest of people I meet. What gives? This is so beyond anything we are taught and affirmed in the world. Every trip I go on where I experience joyous people who have so little I find myself lost in a sea of self-discernment. My enculturated idealism's shattered and my mind whirling with the in-your-face reality that has challenged the very core of my belief system.
Action...
Remember. When I return to the everyday world I live in- my nice, relatively wealthy, suburban church and life I must remember. Remember the joy, remember the conditions that I found joy and the persons who lived the joy.
Confront the lies. I must confront my intensity and drive with a idled presence which demands silence and carves out bustle. I have to name the demons of my own life. My desire for cool clothes- vanity at its best. The best woodworking tools- people did what I do by hand forever so I need to get over it. My desire to spoil my kids with toys- dolls and race tracks. To play, play, play, play with my family. To pray, pray, pray for others. To listen twice as much as I talk. To rest, idle, and listen in silence for nothing in particular. To read more. To think less. To be content with B's, mediocrity, and to allow failures even if it means it costs me face. To be courageous enough to let people see me fail. To be brave enough to trust another to be my friend, even if they make me mad and disappoint me. To smile even though I have bad teeth. To laugh at myself even when I totally screw things up. To worship however, whenever, and unaltered by those around me. To speak truth and live peace. To rest. To love. To live without the need for success, validation, or even self-glorification. To make things more about others than myself.
As I begin this work, I am mindful that knowledge is the fist step to recovery. Now I know and so I can never go back. I have no pie in the sky lofty ideas about instantaneous completion. This will be a life and beyond work but one of greatest importance. I pray for the Spirits guide and eyes which are wide-open to the opportunities to embody such things.
I will no longer promote nor affirm the self-glorifying characteristic of intense tenacious living. Just be. Love. These things are how we will truly live. So yet again I am a work in progress. One day at a time.
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