Thoughts on "My God, My God, why have you forsaken me?"

Tonight is not so much a celebration but rather a remembrance of the reality of struggle, the cost of suffering, and the path of faithfulness. Jesus actively confronted the evils and unfaithfulness of his day non-violently. His words and his actions stirred up trouble wherever he went. If we are going to choose to follow Jesus and model our lives after his, we can expect similar resistance and even violence. When you confront people, they get angry. When you engage in truth-telling it will certainly make people angry. You see prophets aren’t popular and revealing people’s sins isn’t a safe occupation. In fact, it is scandalous.

We can’t experience the fullness of the divinity of Jesus without experiencing the reality of his humanity. We must ask how Jesus’ words and actions got him to this place- nailed to a cross, sentenced to die as a criminal guilty of the most heinous of sins? I believe it was speaking truth. The unvarnished, in your face, won’t back down, and I’m not scared truth which reveals sin, our sin. Yet He did it all out of love for humanity and the desire to repair the brokenness in all of us.

Now lets get honest about where we find Jesus in this passage. Jesus was not thanking God that he was on the cross, suffering, and dying. I believe all of us can agree to this fact. I have a 2 and 4 year old. When I put them in time out, they don’t reply with a robust “thank you dad”. Instead, with big crocodile tears, they take their place on the fireplace ledge and wait out their sentence.

In our scripture tonight we find Jesus crying out to God. This is not some simple gentle whisper it is an all that he can muster crying out to God. He cry’s out “Why”. We all ask the why questions in life, especially when life gets rough. When tragedy strikes, when we are injured, the why questions are the first to come. When great loss is experienced and when injustice seems to win the day, the why questions pour in. It is in the desert of forsakenness that the why’s in life are shouted to God.

So what are we to do tonight with Christ’s suffering, his seemingly human “Why” response and God’s silence to the issue? Why is God so silent? Why is God so silent? Why is God so silent? The powerlessness of the cross, the why of Jesus, his morbid forsakenness is does not fade into nothingness. It is the beginning of something new. You see, we all need some crucifixion in our own lives. Let’s face it, we need some things to die in our lives. They are just a little too full, a little too crowded for God to bring on the bounty of the resurrection. My hope is that even in the midst of God placing some of the most valued things in our lives on the cross, we might find that in the end of the journey something far more. My brothers and sisters, the cross, the why’s, the “via de la rosa” is not the end of the story. Dare we all stretch our arms in submission and let God in God’s sovereign silence allow the death of our most prized stumbling blocks. Forsakeness. Why. Silence. When will it end? Fear not, deliverance is coming.

Worship bites and I don't know how to change it

I am so angry at today's culture. It pisses me off that we are bombarded by all of these things- especially technologically which scream at us what to believe and what to invest in and how to spend our time. Give me a freaking break. I have sixth graders that are avid texters and twitters. 7th and 8th graders find it impossible to not text during a worship service. To ask them to do so, is to restrict them unfairly and oppressively. That leaves me to the question and grand struggle of the day for me:
How do we engage the teenagers of today in an authentic worship? Ultimately, how do we engage anyone in authentic worship today? I mean this by offering a unwavering and focused attentiveness to God almighty. Lets face it- at its very best we might touch the surface of this idea. At its worst we see worship as a glorified form of entertainment. Somewhere in the middle worship is done just out of a sense of duty. A lot of my teens just endure worship so they can then visit with their friends. What does this truly say about the efficacy of worship? What does this say about our church? Our faith? Our authenticity? What does it say when you can't hear people singing during worship music because of everyone talking and joking around with each other? What does it say when the loudest talking is coming from the adult leaders? What do I say to a worship team that feels defeated and demoralized because they offer their very best and it goes unappreciated and undervalued?
To be honest, I want to cancel it all and start over. It makes me so angry that this is where we are. Does anyone really care? Do they even need worship? Ok so they all need worship but do they even have a clue of this fact? Do they even want to worship?
Someone throw me a freaking bone here. I believe that we offer some of the very best worship music and best relevant preaching for teens around and yet we are experience this apathetic pathetic worship.
How do I solve this?

Time

Hootie said it spot on: "Time, why do you punish me". So lets see- I am supposed to be modeling a life of faith for everyone else. I believe that includes both a spiritual life of faith and a physical life that reflects that faith. However, I am currently modeling busyness, 30 pounds overweight, struggling spiritual disciplines, sacrificed time with my family, mismanaged stress, oh yeah did I say mismanaged stress? Maybe this is what can make a pastor real. After all, I am leaving a lot of room for the spirit to work. I at least am a real person with real struggles and real problems. I don't have it all together- like that was ever a question. However, God is so big. When we are weak, God is strong. In our wanting, God is there filling. May it be forever so. Down every path I travel. Failure or success. God save me.

Me and Me

Why is it so difficult to maintain a healthy level of self-esteem? Just when I think I have just about got it right it seems that I have inevitably become prideful and a pompass butt. It is true that everyone has a butt however some are significantly larger than others. How then can there be some checks and balances established to guide me into a balance between the extremes of hating myself or loving myself too much?
I have no answers to this quandary just more and more questions. I guess I will have to be alright with that for now.

Contrition

I am apathetic. When did this happen? I thought I was being careful and yet here I am. A skeptic, comfortably numb. Where do I go from here and how do I begin to unearth this? Help.

Undecided

Lame. As I sit here, I am deeply sad. Overwhelmingly troubled. "Why are you so downcast O my soul?"- PS 42
Why do I have to deal with this crap and internalize, prioritize and negate personal needs just to be faithful to the institution and my own perfection issues?
I am in total depravity? For all that I thought was gain, is but total waste in the sight of God. Forgive me. Forgive my incomparable inability to stay the course, live joy, and be faithful to my call.
Lame. I am lame.

Tranparent and Wanting

I am broken. I am tired of apologizing for this. People just need to get over it. Every struggle others have with this reality is a "pot kettle" conversation so today I am done with it. So who gives a crap that I screw up all the time and am certainly broken- wholly flawed and hopelessly found wanting.

Why is it then, that I still feel guilt every day because I can't get it right? Because I fail to meet expectations others put on me? Because I fail to perfect husbandry, fatherhood, and Christendom?

I dare say that it is honestly my lack of faith and hopeless insecurity as a man of God. My sarcasm attempts to cover my insecurities only to come across as arrogance and jaded elitist pageantry.

I am of total depravity. Today I sit in a room with hundreds of pastors who have served more years than I have been alive. How do I then even begin to reconcile my complete "suckiness" as a pastor, Christian, and human? Doesn't honesty blow?