My unfortunate contribution to moral degredation

Hi my name is Zeke and I am a co-conspirator in the degradation of human morality.

I think that is about how it would begin. FYI- this one is gonna hurt.

We live in a time today when green is in- it's about freakin time! Everyone is beginning to be concerned about their biological footprint and the biological footprint left by our economic factories and the like. I am excited to see what amazing scientific advances spring forth in the dawn of crisis arising up in our planet. It is going to be amazing and hopefully miraculous because if it is not we are all in for deep, deep trouble. While this topic and others like it offer significant demand for blogger's, I am of no help to this intellectual endeavor. However, I feel completely obliged to engage, through my own discovering, the ethical and moral imprint we each leave on humanity. To discover what positive and what negative imprints I may have left in the past and through this journey to determine how my future actions might change for the better.

Beyond our seemingly inconsequential time on earth is a footprint in humanity. We, whether we like it or not, influence others. This influence may very well be unconscious or transparently out in the open but there is, nonetheless, influence. As I contemplate on the current moral state of the country, faith, and world that I live in, I am painfully aware. I am aware that, while our cognition towards moral in-propriety is more knowledgeable than ever, our belief in the single actions contributed by one individual toward moral change is seemingly inconsequential to the betterment of the whole. This has resulted in an apathetic and couch-potato morality that we are all a part of- like it or not.

Self-disclosure time. I am, unfortunately, a part of this decay. I am part of the do nothing crowd- by the way this is a euphemism because to do nothing is to do something which in and of itself is horribly troubling. I have sat on the sidelines and let choices, religious, political, and more, go by without ever giving voice to their moral implications. To do nothing is not only to imply approval it is to validate others to have the authority to make decisions and enact statutes however malign they may be.

How? I was raised up in a great family with loving parents. We handled conflict by not talking about it. My parents were poor farmers and that left little time or energy for political or social justice involvement. We did well to subside. I grew up in a small town with no immersion in the potential for change from a vocal minority. It was as it always was and would always be that way or so it seemed. This is tapestry with which I began to paint my life post-high school. I spent all of college growing spiritually as I discovered the hunger deep inside of me for God and for deepening a life in the Spirit and in community with others of like assent.

I feel powerless. Powerless to change anything even within my local church which might generate a more reconciling posture towards all people of all backgrounds. I hunger so much for a church that is postured this way. Yet, among injustice even within my church, I have done little to nothing. Through my actions, I have become the most vile of people- neither hot nor cold but lukewarm (rev 3:16). I have done nothing in the sight of injustice.

I have done nothing to participate, generate, or empower others to stand up in the midst of ethical and moral infraction and cry out for justice and demand grace for all peoples. To my female friends, I have allowed my silence to slurs and oppression contribute to the encultered subjugative dynamics of females within society. To my gay and lesbian friends, I have allowed my fear of employment and controversy to prevent me from crying out for what I see to be clearly Gospel which accepts all peoples, regardless of their sexual orientation. I have allowed my Hispanic brothers and sisters to be marginalized and oppressed by not speaking up and not educating myself of their language so that I might bridge the lingual gap which causes so much infraction upon their normative social rights. I have done nothing to stand up for my young brothers and sisters in ministry that continue to scream out for change and for reform and for grace even as I see numerous passionate people and peers drown in the bureaucracy as their passions ebbs to disenfranchisement. To the abused, I have been silent of my own history and this has neither validated your own pain or offered you any hope of a future story. I have, through silence, allowed you no alternative but to keep quiet, no window to see the other side of silence and no road to help you track someone on the journey out. For this I am most sorrowful.

I have contributed by doing nothing. For this I am ashamed. I hope to grow into my voice. I yearn to stand up in the midst of the exclusiveness and demand inclusion. I seek to vocalize the needs of those who cannot find their own voice and to become a reckoning figure in the battle for the inclusion of all peoples into society and to a greater extent the church. I will aspire to speak even when it makes people angry. To hear even when it means I will be one of the accused and to act beyond my comfort and be somebody. To be somebody who refuses to do nothing!

Confessions- Subjugation of Women

Hi. My Name is Zeke Allen. I have been sober for one minute but will return again very soon. I admit that I am powerless over my sins and I bare them with the hope that they will lose power over me and my life the more I speak and write of them. I have participated both consciously and to a greater extend subconsciously to the subjugation of women including but not limited to: my wife, all the women who are my family and friends, all women who are acquaintances, co-workers and the like.



Purposed goal-setting leaves little room for accommodation. We see from whence we stand and that is most often tunneled. Vision, as we in America say of one with great leadership, means also lack of vision. It is the yen with the yang. Let me expound. When a visionary sees that to which they are to be/ reach/ aspire to there is no peripheral view other than the avenues by which others can help attain that vision. Perspective is everything and nothing.



I have come to loath and awe at the concept of perspective. On one hand, perspective allows a human to be sensitized to the views, pains, and joy of another person. It can go so deep as to see with their eyes the world and thus gain yet another angle of life and its surrounding. It is a blessing such that a flat 2-D image can be given such life if it were made into 3-D.



On loathing, as we see with the eyes of others we also see and feel the pain of others and often the causality of that pain lay within something we personally or as a larger group have contributed toward bringing undisputed responsibility and consequential guilt. To see is to feel is to loath thyself.



Subjugation of women. One of the great unequals in the world throughout all cultures is male-dominance. People go to great lengths to preserve, grow, and deepen the human ideology that men are somehow supposed to lead all females. This is a LIE! I have been taught LIES! From my earliest years LIES!



A thought appears to me now in sobriety that screams- "On what floor of Hell itself did some great evil place this oppressive ideology into the minds of humanity and do so well to propagate its existence throughout history. I must admit that many women can outperform me in every aspect of my role as pastor, nurturer, care-giver, preacher, role model, parent, woodworker, musician, and healer.



I believe that most men seek to keep women oppressed: underpaid; overworked, unequal job placement, unequal advancement, enculturated idealism for the body; as the measure rather than mind and heart. After all it is more comfortable to have someone "under" you, that makes a person feel elevated and superior. Men oppress women for fear that they might get outclassed or even outworked by a woman- ego ego ego. Men oppress women to try to hold on to some sense of control. It is fear- the deepest most primal fear of men is that they can not be in some control of their destiny.



How have I participated? To all of these and much much more and unfortunately at many times in my life I have been a co-conspirator in oppression. My insensitivity to the cultural oppression of women, my unawareness of the powerlessness young females feel over their boyfriends and older women over their husbands. I have failed to be an advocacy for inequality. To say nothing is to approve and that is one of the greatest ills one can serve up. Silence is a cancer that spreads throughout humanity. For some reason I have believed that to be silent is better than speaking up- now I question "Better for Who?"


How have I come to see? Being a Christian- not the canned, institutionalized Christian who has been fed everything they believe but rather the Christian who thinks, prays, studies and reads. Secondly, my wife- a preacher within the United Methodist Church and graduate of OBU and Brite Divinity. I could write a significant book about the oppression, degradation, and sheer meanness she has experienced within the ministry setting alone as a female minister. These oppressive forces have come both from other persons in ministry and from congregants. Most people would be horrified to hear these stories but these are for her blog and not mine. It is through our marriage and beginning to see through her pain and experiences the real and active oppression of women in society and more specifically in ministry. I am ashamed to be a part of moral humanity that still finds it sinful to allow women in leadership positions. Andrea has helped me see and helped me learn how the subversive and flagrant oppressive forces towards women move and work.


Me. I am a recovering oppressor. I have abused my power as a male in relationships and ministry. From my first dating relationship, I was ignorantly insensitive. Even as my awareness grew my enculturation remained. When is it exactly men are taught that it is "normal" for guys to act superior to ladies? Regardless of when, it certainly happens. For this reality alone, I owe every lady I have ever been in relationship with from grade school on this message- "I am so sorry, if I ever made you feel bad, hurt you, or jaded you by acting superior to you. Please accept my apology as an act of true repentance and respect for you."



So now that we all know what a pompas rear I have been, where to from here. I have begun about two years ago seeking to right wrongs I have caused in peoples lives. I call them, facebook them, or write them and apologize and then pray blessing upon blessing in their life. I will continue to seek to act on my now wide-eyed awareness and stand up whenever and wherever injustice arises. I will act when injustice is out in the open and when it is subversive. I will seek to un-enculturate those I come into contact with. I will be a male who heralds the gifts and equality of women. I will be more sensitive to my actions, to my words, and to my life.



Lastly, "hope springs eternal". There is today, a gift indeed. I will choose today to purpose my actions, season my words, and live out my ideologies regardless of those that surround me.
Silence is worse than participation. Step up and be real men love and live equality.

Confessions- Disclaimer

For just one minute I am going to make it right and fess up but as soon as these words leave my computer I will be contributing again in some form of it. I will attempt in my next few blogs a systematic confession. Not like a little child who took an early taste test of their birthday cake or even like the teen whose 1st subscription of Maxim magazine arrived in his mothers mail box- much to her surprise. These confessions will be an archaeology dig in my life, an unearthing of that which I never knew lay within me (much to my own horror). This all happened when one day I connected my heart to my brain (18 inches ya know!). Consider yourself forewarned for all that follows.

TEST

 

Just a Simpleton

Contrite and quietly I go into the night. My footprint on the world much smaller than my large head thinks. Humbleness is a constant work of which culture offers no positive reinforcement.

My children are toy worn, the house bombarded with race tracks, baby doll houses, and other innumerable toys. My son is on a crack high from the over stimulation caused my way too many cool toys at one time. My daughter is still content to steal her brothers toys when he isn't watching and sometimes play with her own.

Andrea and I are tired but happy that no one has shown up to repossess any of our cars or house after our Christmas present buying stint. We worry that we are corrupting our children with greed and the vain pursuit of mammon, more and more stuff to fill their lives. I hope we can better balance life.

Me... Christmas is the hardest time of year for me. Not because of the magnificent celebration of Jesus' birth and renewal of the birth within each of us- that will preach and breath within me everyday of the year. It is tough because of the stuff, the exchange, the expectations, pressures, and pomp of it all. Couldn't it be simpler and more holy? More about love and less about things. It is tough too because of the short days, dreary weather, business and bustle of ministry this time of year. It is doldrums-ville for student ministry. Half-way through the school year.

Am I actually making a difference? Not locally but globally? Am I so insignificant in the expanse of this world. I desire so much to impact the world for good. I dream of such things almost every night. My heart burns for such things often. Yet the darkness is always close by. Stifling the hope, dulling the desire, and dampening the promise. Am I alone in this struggle? Do all dreamers face such demons? Does everyone face such demons?

I wonder tonight if I am making a difference in the lives of the people at my church. I love God so much and I want so much to make a difference in the lives of people and spread that love and hope; yet I always mess things up so completely. My only hope is transcending grace. If that doesn't happen, I am doomed.

I think maybe a black preacher lives in me. The voice stirs in my heart and in my head. The alliterations and illuminations that articulate and project truths beyond comfort. The projections of the voice and rise and the fall of the delivery of hope. I hope some day that voice will come alive in me.

Lastly, I will yet hope, yet love, yet strive to give, serve, and live for the one who loves me past myself. Tomorrow is a new day.

Grace

What about this concept have we as a human race not grasped? How can so much knowledge exist and yet so much ignorance pervade our decisions? For me, grace is not some bookend-able theological concept created by some dead German guy it is Divine character at some of its best. To even add icing on the cake, it is something we have full latitude to employ within our own lives. I am convinced that grace, in its purest form, is counter-cultural, counter-intuitive, and love well-beyond any comfort we might hope to assume in this lifetime. Let me address these three systematically before continuing.
Grace is always counter-cultural. I recently wrote an exegesis of Revelation 6:9-11. It began as follows:
"I have been vaccinated by the culture I live in. I am not sure when it happened but it did nonetheless. The vaccine was for the truth, the unvarnished, plain, honest truth. How did it happen to me and so many others? The text I will be exegeting within this paper will be Revelation 6:9-11. I believe it offers for us, as it did for the Christians of John’s day, an anti-vaccine for what the culture we live in has sold as the truth. I have been duped into believing that what I see and hear, whether consciously or subconsciously, is the way things really are. I believe Revelation 6:9-11 is a promise of hope and a picture of God’s ultimate conquering of all evil."
What we are fed is rarely, if ever, truth. I reside in a state that has just banned "co-habitating" ( a nice word created by some malicious politicians for banning gay and lesbian couples) can no longer have the choice of adoption. As a pastor of a denomination that professes to be open to all peoples and yet we draw lines in the sand, how do I reconcile grace- the unvarnished, in your face grace? I am ashamed of the scandalous oppression our state has dealt the homosexual community in all areas and especially this one of late.
As a professing Christian male, a survivor of years of child abuse, a happily married heterosexual Caucasian, how can I reconcile this to a God who is undeniably concerned with the marginalized, oppressed, and voiceless in our world? Ugh!
Grace is always counter-cultural. As far as my experience with adults and teens who have discovered their homosexual orientation, I am convinced that God is desperately and wholly in love with all people. "Grace upon grace" as Mr. Wesley said so long ago. Don't let the loud droning of the cultural norm deafen the heartbeat of God's grace for humankind. There are so many lies, smoke and mirror lies, and we have to remain faithful by refusing to buy in.

Grace is counter-intuitive. Not because that is how we were formed in the womb but because our minds have been shaped from our earliest years to weigh truth, perceive facts, and process information by all the people and culture we grow up in. The God I know turns it all upside down. Just read the Bible and see all of the screw-ups throughout the biblical witness and how, I am convinced solely through divine intervention, changed the course of history time and time again. Lemonade from lemons. I have a friend that says jokingly "That boy ain't right"- ok so the cats out of the bag I live in Arkansas-big deal grace still abound in the sticks my friends. I urge you that when you hear a statement from any authority figure ask yourself "What are they not saying?" and there with the answers to this question you will most likely find the real truth and I propose even grace abundant.

Grace is love well-beyond comfort. Chester Cheetah says "It ain't easy being cheesy" and I propose that "It ain't easy" loving folk. Offering grace to grace-abusers is tough. Offering grace, to the oppressors and the oppressed, the power-filled in society along with the powerless, the upper-class politician and the underpaid farmer, the ethical green environmentalist and the meat- eating, trash dumping rednecks, IS TOUGH but not impossible. Just get ready to get uncomfortable. Just because you are moved toward advocacy doesn't mean you must be moved to judgment of the other side. I am convinced that biblical unveiled grace requires discomfort and unfortunately most folk are too lazy or too comfortable or too unwilling to open their minds and their eyes and their hearts and give it a real go. To be blessed doesn't mean you have more. To be blessed is to be a blessing. Grace is the Christmas you get nothing and give everything. Try that some Christmas. But here I am- another ranting God-lover. Grace is like a burning coal shut up inside me that has no other place than to come out into the lives those around me. My prayer is that God grants me the opportunity to see the opportunities before me.
There is still hope. The sun will rise tomorrow and another day will dawn. The Son will be shining even in the thickest of clouds. Even though you may be "walking in the shaddow of death" remember that it takes a Son to cast a shaddow. The truth is out there and grace quick on its heels.

Truth

Differentiate the slanted bias of the enculturated schisms within humanity from the truth and you are a true genius. Vaccinated- completely vaccinated from the truth. When did it happen? I can't remember going to the clinic to get the shot but it happened to me and the rest of us. Maybe we are 'all in this together' but I am convinced we don't realize what 'this' really is.
So...well...lets face it I am no genius and to be honest I do well enough to clothe myself and not miss too many meetings and requirements week to week. Here's the thing though- I am aware now. It is just like someone turned on a light switch in a dark room and your eyes have seen its contents and there is no going back, no averting your vision, and no hope to regress to your previous state of not knowing its contents.
What is in the room? Truth. Items with labels naming things for what they really are. A few examples:
teenage cellphones- substitute for accountable parenting- what happened to talking with your children face to face
Various slick new items with labels that have the word need crossed out and want scribbled in.
A sign that says MIA- the label reads DAD

I am a Caucasian, middle-class, male- could it get any stereotypic. My 'type' has had the great disease of imposing horrific acts to everyone different than ourselves at times throughout recorded history. I will not be another link in that diseased history. I ascribe to attributes of hope and integrity, justice and courage, service and equality, purpose and nurture, emotionally available and parentally present. I will not succumb to the lies that work is more important than anything else. I will not let the worries of the days and weeks keep me from the sacred space of my marriage and the conversation of your best friend. I will not substitute technology for interaction with my children. I refuse to adjust or even release my parenting from the necessary boundary setting for my children. I will be silly with my family and not buy into the mach non-emotional persona sold to the masses.
I want to be infected with truth- come ravage my body and pervade my life such that it illuminates all the lies I have been sold and reveals their presence. I pray for courageous truth that transcends the world and demolishes the cancer of the enculturated masses.
So I'm not a genius but I seek truth.